imperfectionist'

2005-05-14T08:43:00.000-07:00

so sian .. went jon's house 2day for youth impact meeting. hah. just wanna laze around. at first wanna go bugis then wanna go city link . cant make up our mind so went home. haiz. went to help mom with her stuffs , mark some of her students books , then laze around. - yepps finaly get wad i want. aniway was just think of wad i type just not long ago. got some part of the wording sensored .. oh ..i think i shall just sleep

2005-05-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

im confuse. i dun think i like -- at all. maybe it's all for fun but then .. haiz.. dunno it is the that scare me some times. some things are best left unknown. dunno lah i hope will solve this. but then . well. at least exams are over. my computer is working again .. ohwell

can't find the music

2005-04-20T03:25:00.000-07:00

can't find the music
i guess people you hang out with .. change your perspective. they influence you . for good for bad.
sigh feel so guilty . sorry s.

2005-04-07T05:02:00.000-07:00

today sucks lah. wad the heck is wrong with her.
say that we should try to hold on together. n now. look at her. who cares man. i so pissed off liao. Time changes people. i think even me. i dun really care now. so disappointing abt her. huili so nice today and yan jie too. i lurfe those two ladues. ya... they rawkified. haiz. i shall just see wad happan tml then i shall make my decision.
tml going kallang threatre for dance SYF rehearsal. cant wait. hope i make no mistake abt it.
played badminton with monica,zhihui and one more gurl. funfunfun.
i Lurfe Hannah. she wonderful,fabulous friend . she is my one sexy lao gongnumber3 .yeah (:
dun really feel like typing much today. so saddened. :(

2005-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

tIME jUST fOR mE~

The days goes by so much to see
Never enoughtime just for me
Mornings are hectic, nights i dread
Restless and tired bt i cant go to bed

`edited from http://www.spiritisup.com/timejustformegb.html

this really suited wad i feel though .

2005-03-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

aaahhhahaah... damn lah . did so badly for my CTs . haiz. really feel so depress. guess i am really in the wrong class. everyone so smart. felt as if i could never catch up with them. Last week was totally craz. totally inhuman all those tests so hard. PLUS the big coming event the 40th anni. really felt like screming but these feel days not really feeling well cuz of stress, examz, rehearsals, ccas. can really make a person go crazy. maybe i should admit it . i dont think i can handle it. too stressful , felt like crying these few days. just got scolded for my poor result . sighs. will these ever end. felt like dropping that music elective program plus one of the cca. then i will have more time to study . i think. everything is going all wrong , all hay- wiring , plus i really hate that stupid idoit teacher. she thinks her E so great izzit. Wish she will get sack, Ohwells. maybe i just feel so depress . maybe i dun really hate her. maybe.. all these thinking s. i am really so stress. Yes. i am going to make a resolution to myself. i am not going to stop until i can score at least a B3 for my every subjects. I am going to try even if it means , i will breakdown or even something worse. But for one thing , i am going to persever till the end ..

2005-02-21T06:12:00.000-08:00

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at, man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart 1 Samuel 16: 7

I feel that this verse means a lot to me. heard it during the last G.B devotion. ohswell. im gonna fail todae additional maths test plus the MEP test . aaahhhhaaaa.. so stress . tml still got history and physic class test . then 2ml it's my turn to be the commander. help!!! im panicing. wad if people laugh at me . if i sae the sommand very badly . Oh My !! i so very panic over 2ml. Oh well . i guess i better go and continue my studies. study .study.study.study .study.study.study .study.study.study .study.study.study .study.study. Im going to be so stress up .. :(

2005-02-17T04:50:00.000-08:00

played captain 's ball today, nice fun . vivan so fierce i so scared of her .. hahas she is our super woman!!! haha . today is so boring is all language today . sian. maths, chinese english and CF , is like wanna sleep mood . then after school meet up with lyd , stay in canteen and talk to xavier. had to rush off for g.b [40 th anni.] ^_^"so tired. didnt see the person i wanted to see. after the parade , ms lim so funni . they did not want to use the flag as a porps . ms lim sae is a must. hah. so disappointed. vivan -g.b gave me a chinese knot so nice . (: went home with karen, wen yan and vivan . so funni during the bus ride. lots of fuuni jokes. hahah.s ... the stress level is builing up , so much hw and the common test coming soon . hope i dun break down . so stress so mon and tue. so worried abt the coming tue . i giving the command. later paisei how ? .. hiaz..
i<3 ME!

2005-02-15T02:03:00.000-08:00

rejection .. sigh that's what HL say.. ohswell at least it is not rejection of guys. :# then wad . i feel that everything is changing leaving me behind. time just speed around me. wad is wrong . why am i becoming so consceience to those who hurt me. i am not usually affected by it. why ?! somethings not rite with me . i so tankful for HL for listening to me after school . really felt so sad . sigh . i wish we do not have to change class. 2 humilitian rawk!!! AJ , i miss you . hahs/ :"(

2005-02-07T21:17:00.000-08:00

aahhha.. back from camp. my face peeling like siao
why? why is the camp during the CNY.. shit lah .. i look awful man . but then the camp so fun . i like the camp fire item . oh man.. the breakdance so cool ! i impressed. what i wanna say is the camp is really fun , fun FUN!!!! today the CNY performermance still ok .. so-so . not very nice.
sian lah . so many things happen in camp . good and bad. haiz. actually i dun really like CNY . i sitll prefer the Christmas season . ahaaah .. how am i i goignto face others later. i look so awful .. ahhaaaah !!!!!

2005-02-03T05:05:00.000-08:00

tml the sec three adventure camp will start. wonder if it will be fun or boring or just lame. my third day at my new house. something weird happen today during and after the 40th anniversry UG rehearsal. why is the other HE doing this ? so weird .. but sp nice of him . :)

Dance Inspiration for the Day

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.
-- Martha Graham

____

2005-02-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

oh yeah and waht's with that gurl aniway . act as if she own the world . bitch . haiz .. i better reflect on my thinking. :/ its not rite.not rite at all

I LOVE DANCE!!!
I LOVE ME!!!

____ Weird!& /

2005-02-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

i love my new bedroom. totally cool. dark purple and light purple just the way i want it. :) damn the moving that i cant use the computer but at least now i am able to use it.new year is round the corner and soon it will be time for me to make some new year relsolution. ahhhaa, i hate the sec three adventure camp. whydoes it have to fall on my birthday, sad... today is another boring day. i love geography and i hate ss. it suckx. hate it , i am gonna fail like i will for that E math test. so damn hard. sigh , so stress nowaday. try to relax though. by the way , i love my new house. hahaha. i gonna say it o'er and o'er again . waht with the guys these few days. ?! weird. sian i still got hw to do and i am here typing away.miss aj though. ahhhaaa .,.. forget it i better go and do my hw now like a good studious gurl . ohswells. sian.

2005-01-24T02:47:00.000-08:00

"Anything But Me"
Nobody told me that being happy faces
Just trying to erase the traces
What came before me
A girl that I used to see somewhere very deep
She's falling asleep and I trying to wake her set her free
[Chorus:]
Now is a never ending thing
One more minute turns into another
Before I've had time to to run from all the other ones
And its so hard to live a dream
When the everything that they want you to be
Is anything but me
So much confusion circling inside my head
What this one and that one said
Its all an illusion
Cuz I'm still the same person no matter how fast I run
I'm trying to hold on to where it is I come from
[chorus]
Anything but me
I'm trying to hold on to where it is I come from
[chorus]

2005-01-24T02:29:00.000-08:00

One way to make decisions in life is to project yourself into the future. Ask yourself this: "Is my public image going to be with me for the rest of my life? Are the opinions of the people I am impressing with my public image as important to me as my own self?

Do not be too hasty about deciding who you are. People change, and that's good, because it is only those that have died that stop changing. Being able to change is being prepared and fit. Be free from the stereotypes and the public image

We are people, and each of us is unique in his own way. We are not "images" as you put it. You are who you are: Imagine this: You may be the gurl in the general vicinity and that makes you a unique persona. Not just another "image" walking down the road with no soul in it.

sigh/2 i really need to reflect upon this.

2005-01-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

Am I cool or uncool? [CLICK]

You are Super-Cool!

Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather. Any cooler and you'd freeze! WOO it's chilly in here.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com

2005-01-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

It's funny ...
When other people get mad at me, I let it roll off my back, like a duck and water, but when I get mad, they get all ticked at me, like, I'm not allowed to be mad. They can be mad, but not me. They can insult me and make fun of me, and be all really unfriendly to me, but the second I have a bad mood, I show one of the things back to them, and suddenly they hate me. Is that right?

My horoscopes is very interesting today .
Quickie:Your friends just aren't getting the message. Be literal. Spell out what you mean.
Overview:A friend will connect you with someone who'll expand your horizons, whether they mean to or not. This could be your chance to meet a mentor, or even a guide. Pay attention!

ohs well .. nothing much , not like i really believe in horoscopes just reading for fun. went to the viewing of my new house. so nice. i really like the design . haha. cant wait to move in . going out with hannah again later. really bored at home. :/

2005-01-20T02:50:00.000-08:00

everyday is a different day..and todae is juz one of e dae juz lyk yesterday n tml wil always b e same!!
I HATE PE !
Mr Ang made us run at the stupid stadium again. AahhhhA really felt like throwing up after the run, at least i pass . ohswell. maybe next time i go doctor ask for MC to excuse me from taking that damn 2.4 run.
Wonder how manda is coping in her new school .miss her. Today got one of the trainnee teacher teach us. so gay . haiz. the maths so easy was like yawning and ms tang was like lokking at me . sigh.
that B . dunno wat's wrong with him.so irritated by him. ohswell, at least 'that' is considered entertainment.

2005-01-15T21:02:00.000-08:00

yesterday so freaking scary. when out to meet Hannah was taking a bus to interchange saw a taxis ran over a little girl's leg . my heart nearly jumped out. shocking. the girl was like screaming so loudly. likely there is no blood . i think the maid/mother/sister called the police. so terrifying . aniway i got on the bus and took a train down to city link. went to buy a birthday prezzi for Dawn .we went to SIx and got her a necklace. so expensive . had to hurried down to church . sO weird, where is Hui Li. i had to lead worship with geraldine. damn. so nervous.
After YI , we went to the nearby coffee centre and ate Hor Fun. Hannah so funny, all the seafood also dun eat. * no wonder she is so thin . after dinner we had our guitar lesson. the strumming so fun ... down-down/up-down/up/down .

2005-01-14T18:57:00.000-08:00

so sad that aj is going. yesterday so funny during class. just earned myself two nick names liao . justina tan zi lian. [jtzl] and kukutrain. werid rite. i enjoyed all my subjects . but i starting to get use to them . at first was panicing over the subjects so tough . i love sen lao shi. he so nice . always tell stories. hahaz/
aniway. i dun think i really like to g.b uniform . yester day the cca open house . so frigging hot. under that sun . can die .some of the sec one so rude, no respect for us.
look at me. so pathetic lah . 15, crushless and single. oh well . i just dun like anyone in particular. damn the Bob . keep pulling my hair so irritating, so flirty , just dun like him. so sian .glad that i have at least stella in the same class. i want to thank God for getting there for me. . dun no whati would do without him.
oh well. so much hw. esp. maths. aieee . pls.. lor . ms tang not that bad lah . at least she always give us ample time to complete our hw. but i still got that chemistry to do. then later have to go for YI , then the guitar lesson . so tired . damn it lah .

2005-01-13T07:34:00.000-08:00

and i dream

i can run like the wind and be strong when my heart just wants to give in.

i dream i can bethe hero that's in me when i dream;

i dream if there's a time in your life. when the odds are so against you. there's no defeat if all you keep is pride first or last slow or fast there's a diginity that makes you. keep driving on when world's have come apart it doesn't matter rich or pooror the things you've done before

cause the race is all about believing in yourself.

and i dream

2005-01-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Missing;-
You won't cry for my absence_
I know_
You forgot me long ago_
Am I that unimportant_
Am I so insignificant_
Isn't something missing_ Isn't someone missing me_

miyazaki trip

2005-01-09T08:11:00.000-08:00

17th November 2004

I am all so excited up by this coming trip to Miyazaki, Japan. I packed my stuffs weeks before the actual flight date. I cannot wait to find out what Miyazaki looks like. I had my doubts that I might not like the weather there and that it will be too cold for comfort. I am really looking forward to this coming trip.

18th November 2004

Everyone is probably unpacking their stuffs and taking a really long bath now, especially after such a long day. The trip started at Changi Airport where we gathered to take our attendance and also to say good-bye to our parents. During the short amount of time there, i got to know several new people. For me, being a secondary two student among the seniors is quite an experience. From there we took an 8 hrs long journey before reaching our destination. In between those transactions flights, we had our first Japanese meal at the Haneda Airport. It has proved to be very interesting. Due to our very limited Japanese language, we had to point at the dishes we wanted to order. At that restaurant, we had only use the two most basic words, "Konnichiwa" and "Arigatou-gozimasu". After those meals and during the rest of the journey, we decided to brush up our vocabs.
Finally when we reached, i was touched by the warm welcome we received at the airport. My Otosan [mother at Japan] pinned a flower on my blazer. We boarded the bus which brought us to our hotel, Super Hotel, where we check in to put our luggage. The weather there is about 30 degrees. We hurried through the check-in before making our way down “Tachibana Street", which is their "Orchard Road", where we had our dinner at a restaurant in Carino Shopping Mall. The dinner was in a buffet style, giving us plenty of opportunities to try out all the different Japanese dishes, which i enjoyed very much. Once we had our fill, we explored the place. Finally, after a while, we went back to our hotel where we had our rest. So now as i am writing this down, i can conclude that today is certainly a very interesting and tiring one.

19th November 2004

Places that we went today:
Super Hotel >Meriges Hotel > Pacific Ocean > Udo San > Pick Oranges > had our traditional Japanese Lunch > Obi Castle > Meriges Hotel > Home Stay

Early in the morning at about 5.45 am, we had our breakfast at Super Hotel and got ourselves really before heading towards Meriges Hotel where we deposit our luggage and starts our tour.
Our first stop was at Horikiri Pass near Cactus-Herd Garden. It was pretty windy there. We took photos there for about 5 mins before moving on to “Udo San”, Udo Shrine. I was amazed by the sights. It was beautiful and I can see the blue sea and the white foam breaking into wave edged rocks. The natural beauty was something that I know I would miss when I go back to Singapore. On our way to our next place, we saw loads of repair work going on. Mr. Christopher Chan said that the metal framework was use to prevent landslides. We were given each a plastic bag and a cutter to cut as much oranges as we want. It was a very refreshing experience for me. After all that hard work, we were ready for our lunch. I was very much impressed by the way the Japanese work. They were very environment conscience as they help us to separate biodegradable and non-biodegradable things today. We were told that all children were taught about this system since they were young. I think it is a very good practice for us in Singapore to learn too.
Our final destination was at Obi Castle we took a few photos with the children in the school before heading back to the hotel where we grabbed our lugguage and were separated to our host for our homestay. By God’s grace, I can share the host family with another phs student while others were separated into different hosts. Our host mother and host father are rreally kind to us. The father owned the provision shop and asked us to pick whatever we want from the shop. He was very generous. Their two daughters, Haruka and Sonoka, brought us to their room after dinner where we ate tidbits and played card games before we drew for each other pictures. Finally we went back to our room as Haruka is having an exam the next day and had to study. I had a very interesting bath before going to sleep in our warm mattress. Miyazaki Rocks!!!

20th November 2004

I am resting now after such a long day. Here’s the day’s program.

Wake up > watch Toy Story2 > play card games with the family > had breakfast before resting > came down to make lunch together > eat and then change > when to warehouse and see exhibitions. Saw loads of exotic crafts > went to Aya town > winery, glass blowing, woodcrafts, ceramics, silk fabrics, etc. > went to buy some soveniers > went to Heiwadai Park > bought grocery > came home.

Now the weather very cold like two air-conditioners blowing at you. I truly enjoyed today’s program. I simply love it here. The host family are very kind towards us. They bought us stuffs and also brought us out and entertain us. I love the food here. To think that I find the food weird on my first day shows how I had managed to adapt. Their dishes here are delicious and healthy. I really felt the sort of warmth and love the host family had for one another. Singapore could never match up to this kind of family warmth due to the stress and high expectation of others. I feel their respect, kindness and love beginning to grow into me. For me, was one huge adjustment from being the Singapore wild and wacky girl to a quiet and shy me. Maybe for me the only bad point I see in this trip was that due to the fact that we speak to one another in very, very simplified English so everyone could understand, our English words become sort of very broken up. This trip itself to me was also a test of faith. For me, I had to pray before eating. But I didn’t dare to do it in front of the family, not that it is a taboo , but I not sure they would be able to accept it . I also had to remember to be faithful to God. One thing for sure, my Japanese language has really improved. They were very happy when I used Japanese and try to communicate with them. I am really glad to make them happy. I love Japan

21st November 2004

Places: Sonaka’s > school, friends’ house > shrines > Miyazaki Prefectural Museum of Nature and History > Cosmos at Saitobarn Burial Mounds > Shopping mall, arcade, neoprints > Buy grocery

The breakfast, lunch and dinner meals we had are simple yet nice. Their culture is to say ‘itadakimasu’ to thank the person preparing the meals which I think is a good culture. Their main staple drink is green tea. They absolutely had to drink it also at every point of the day. After the meal, we are to say ‘gochisou sama deshita’ I have grown to like their lauguage. Their country despite being a countryside place, it is quite clean. Their technology is also advanced. The Japanese way of culture seems to work very well. They are very polite with each other. Everybody is everybody’s friend; therefore seem to rub in the good side of one another. I really like how they treat one another. It was something that in Singapore society is missing. People in our society are all so wary and kiasu. But not here. Trust is portrait everywhere. That such a nice feeling. I have certainly grown quite attached to this place.

22nd November 2004

Today we went to visit a pot of places. Sonoka and Haruka are both in school. Okasen is busy manning the shop which was their family business. Otosan is not free so we had the whole morning to ourselves. Later in the afternoon, Okasen helped us each into Japanese traditional informal clothes. Otosan came back and took lots of photos. He finally later brought us out to see their nature. I totally love the mountains which are so majestic. It is my once-in-a-lifetime experience. I enjoyed the views which cannot be found in Singapore. I was once again reminded of how wonderful God’s creations are. The views are very scenic and beautiful. Back at home, the two children are not back yet, so Otosan helped us developed some of the photos. It turns out that photography is his hobby which he really enjoyed. He showed us his numerous cameras, digital cameras, video cameras, computers, scanners and stuffs. I was amazed by his collections.
When the children are back, we hurried over to Super Hotel to check in again and then went to another hotel for the farewell dinner. I admit I went a little crazy on seeing my friends. I really missed them even though it was only a three-day homestay. The dinner was really nice. We get to see our friends’ host families and also there was the tea ceremony and then our special item. We ended the dinner with a well-prepared traditional dance. The whole thing was really very touching and a lot of my friends cried. We went wild during the night back at the hotel. We stayed up till 1 am, playing games, eating tidbits but the company of each other.

23rd November 2004

Free time. Went out with host family and take neoprints. Then we went around to shop until late at night.

24th November 2004

Went back on an 8 hrs journey back to Singapore.